Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
