The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize