I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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