I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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