I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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