Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
