My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
