he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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