I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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