I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize