she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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