After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
