I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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