How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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