yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
