her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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