I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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