so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
