I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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