dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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