Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
