We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
