So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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