if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
