A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
