I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
