I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
