We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
