Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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