wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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