Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
