I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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