I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize