Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
