you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
