I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
