$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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