She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
