3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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