Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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