Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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