he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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