does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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