just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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