I wanna passion pit in your ass
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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