Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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