dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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