I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize