Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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