I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
