It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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