me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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