At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
