so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will pee on everything he values.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
