I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
