No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
