actually, I'm a sock model
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
