3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
