Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
nutella sex= disaster
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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