I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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