Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
