ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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