just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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