i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
