the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize